"Reality leaves a lot to the imagination." -- John Lennon

"Let us endeavor to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. " --- Mark Twain

"The largest living land mammal is the absent mind." --- Capt. Beefheart

"My mother drew a distinction between achievement and success. She said that achievement is the knowledge that you have studied and worked hard and done the best that is in you. Success is being praised by others. That is nice but not as important or satisfying. Always aim for achievement and forget about success --- Helen Hayes

"Keep a good heart. That's the most important thing in life. It's not how much money you make or what you can acquire. The art of it is to keep a good heart." --- Joni Mitchell
When one tugs at a single thing in Nature, he finds it hitched to the rest of the Universe." --- John Muir

"To unpathed waters, undreamed shores." --- W.Shakespeare (The Winter's Tale)

"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of those." --- George Washington Carver

Hell, there are no rules here--we're trying to accomplish something --- Thomas Edison
"The mountain remains unmoved at seeming defeat by the mist." --- Rabindranath Tagore, (1861-1941) Bengali poet, novelist, composer. He won the 1913 Nobel Prize for literature

"How monotonous the sounds of the forest would be if the music came only from the Top Ten birds." --- Dan Bennett

"The best minds are not in government. If they were, business would hire them away." --- Ronald Reagan

"Everything you read in the newspaper is absolutely true except for the rare story of which you have first-hand knowledge." --- Erwin Knoll

"Anything played wrong twice in a row is the beginning of an arrangement." --- Frank Zappa
"The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease." --- Voltaire

"I would rather play 'Chiquita Banana' and have my swimming pool, than play Bach and starve." --- Xavier Cugat

"I thought Big Sur would be a great break after the tour. You'd walk down this rickety ladder to this not-very-pretty beach scene; crashing waves, moss-covered rocks, weird ocean life. It was scary. It summed up alot of things in my life, like 'I should be enjoying this, but I'm not." --- Trent Reznor, Nine Inch Nails

"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic." --- submitted by friend of the list

"The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it." --- Carl Jung

"I'd come home from school alone with those teenage blues and I'd put on Frank Sinatra's "It was a very good year." Here was this mature man singing about the cycle of his life, and as a kid I felt the emotions of it already. It has since been a touchstone for me whenever I want to experiment musically." --- Iggy Pop

"Have you ever noticed how people who wear camouflage gear really stand out in a crowd?" --- Peter Thomas, student
"Nothing will benefit human health and increase chances for survival of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet." --- Albert Einstein

"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people." --- Orson Welles

"I would like to be able to admire a person's opinions as I would their dog - without being expected to take it home with me." ---- Frank A. Clark

"Never play a thing the same way twice." --- Louis Armstrong

"If everything is under control, you are going too slow." ---- Mario Andretti

"Rudeness is the weak person's imitation of strength" --- Eric Hoffer NEW: Complete Hoffer Quotes

"Better to be a nobody and yet have a servant than pretend to be somebody and have no food." --- Proverbs 12:9

"Dietrich would never do that" --- Marlene Dietrich

"I wish a bag of money would fall on my head. Even if it hurt." --- Mary Fernwood

"In the coming years I would like to see politicians wear maintenance uniforms instead of business suits, because when they wear business suits they represent business. When they wear maintenance uniforms they are the servants that they are supposed to be." --- Danny Hoch

"In the year 2525, that song will be even less popular than when it first came out." --- Gary Shandling
"A human being is part of a whole, called by us the 'Universe' a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest -- a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free outselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." ---Albert Einstein

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." --- Bertrand Russell

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you." --- Lao-Tzu

"Act in the valley so that you need not fear those who stand on the hill." --- Danish proverb
"Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own." --- Chinese proverb

"A memorandum isn't written to inform the receiver, but to protect the writer." Dean Acheson
"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others." --- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)

"Death should not be seen as the end - but as a very effective way to cut down expenses." --- Woody Allen

"The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up."--- Jay Leno

"New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, - most of it unsolved." --- Johnny Carson

"You cannot put the same shoe on every foot." --- Publilus Syrus

"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." --- Katharine Hepburn

"What I really miss these days in music - is the music. I prefer to listen to melodies and songs, not just sounds." --- David Grohl (Foo Fighters, and former Nirvana drummer)

''These days, what isn't worth saying is sung." --- Pierre De Beauumarchais

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

CHAINSAW CONSULTANT: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the top brass with clean hands. --- source: Dilbert's New Dictionary (submitted by Tim Bensch. Thanks Tim)

"The biggest mistake you can make is to always be right." --- Steve's Fortune Cookie, Bethesda Chinese Restaurant,1998

"Every library should be complete on something, if it were only the history of pinheads." --- Oliver Wendall Holmes

"To arrange a library is to practice- in a quiet and modest way - the art of criticism." --- Jorge Luis Borges

"Personally, I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught." --- Winston Churchill 1874-1965

"Getting things done is not always what is most important. There is value in allowing others to learn, even if the task is not accomplished as quickly, efficiently or effectively." --- R. D. Clyde

"Sometimes it is more important to discover what one cannot do, than what one can do." --- Lin Yu-t'ang (1895-1976) Chinese writer

"Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows." --- Al Unser, Jr., U.S. Auto Racer

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." --- Richard Bach

"Is it a really good acid, or just a half-acid?" --- R. Friesen (Chemistry 124)

"The 21st century invention should be teleportation. And for the 20th century Time Capsule we should just include the entire Frank Zappa catalog." --- Jewell

"The computer will become the hub of a vast network of remote data stations and information banks feeding into the machine at a transmission rate of a billion or more bits of information a second. Laser channels will vastly increase both data capacity and the speeds with which it will be transmitted. Eventually, a global communications network handling voice, data and facsimile will instantly link man to machine--or machine to machine--by land, air, underwater, and space circuits. [The computer] will affect man's ways of thinking, his means of education, his relationship to his physical and social environment, and it will alter his ways of living... These forces] will coalesce into what unquestionably will become the greatest adventure of the human mind." --- David Sarnoff, President of RCA, **1964**

"I read a book twice as fast as anybody else. First, I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and read toward whatever end I like best." --- Gracie Allen (1906-1964) US comedienne

"It's never too late -- never too late to start over, never too late to be happy." --- Jane Fonda
"If a dog will not come to you after he has looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." --- Woodrow Wilson

"Dogs do not dislike poor families." --- Chinese Proverb

"No pressure, no diamonds." --- Mary Case

"The beginning is the most important part of the work. --- Plato (427-347 B. C.), The Republic
The quality of an organization can never exceed the quality of the minds that make it up --- Harold R. McAlindon

"Advice is like snow; the softer it falls the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind." --- Samuel T. Coleridge

"Concern for man and his fate must always form the chief interest of all technical endeavors.... Never forget this in the midst of your diagrams and equations." --- Albert Einstein

"Having served on various committees, I have drawn up a list of rules: Never arrive on time; this stamps you as a beginner. Don't say anything until the meeting is half over; this stamps you as wise. Be as vague as possible; this avoids irritating the others. When in doubt, suggest a subcommittee be appointed. Be the first to move for adjournment; this will make you popular; it's what everyone is waiting for." --- Harry Chapman

No man's knowledge here can go beyond his experience. --- John Locke

"The life you have led doesn't need to be the only life you have." --- Anna Quindlien

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." --- Anais Nin

"Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them? --- Abraham Lincoln

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." --- Janis Joplin

"Don't tell your friends their social problems: they will cure the fault and never forgive you" --- Logan Pearsall Smith

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" --- Hunter S. Thompson

"My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot" --- Ashleigh Brilliant

"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." --- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

"People only see what they are prepared to see" --- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"What we imagine is order is merely the prevailing form of chaos". --- Kerry Thornley, Principia Discordia, 5th edition

"Somewhere between obsession and compulsion is impulse." --- Alex Pushkin (submitted by Erwin. Thanks!)

"Necessity never made a good bargain." --- Benjamin Franklin

"The tourist may complain of other tourists, but he would be lost without them." --- Agnes Repplier

"In dwelling, live close to the ground. In thinking, keep to the simple. In conflict, be fair and generous. In governing, don't try to control. In work, do what you enjoy. In family life, be completely present." --- Tao Te Ching

"Not all those who wonder are lost." --- J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh --- Voltaire

" There's a bit of magic in everything, and some loss to even things out" --- Lou Reed

"Before the beginning of great brilliance, there must be chaos. Before a brilliant person begins something great, they must look foolish in the crowd" --- From the I Ching

"If it weren't for caffeine I'd have no personality whatsoever!" --- Anonymous

"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." --- Bertrand Russell

"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues." --- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

"How to get a job: Speak up and show some life about you. Almost anyone who can give you a decent job these days is half deaf." --- Liz Carpenter

"If you value the world simply for what you can get out of it, be assured that the world will in turn estimate your value to it by what it can get out of you...If you pursue truth, people will be true to you." --- Arthur Twining Hadley, President of Yale University, 1903

"Life is rough for everyone....Life isn't always fair. Whatever it is that hits the fan, its never evenly distributed - some always tend to get more of it than others." --- Ann Landers

"If you ever think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in bed with a mosquito." --- Anita Roddick (founder of The Body Shop)

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain" --- Dolly Parton
"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before" --- Stephen Wright

"Things are always darkest just before they go pitch black" --- Marlene Dietrich

"Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business is only to be sustained by neglect of many other things" --- Robert Lewis Stevenson

"Nothing is as real as a dream. The world can change about you, but your dream will not. It will always be your link with the person, young and full of hope. If you hold on to it you may grow old but you will never be old. And that is the ultimate success" --- Tom Clancy

"An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind" --- Gandhi

"Money often costs too much." --- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"There are always a lot of people so afraid of rocking the boat that they stop rowing. We can never get ahead that way" --- Harry S. Truman, 1952

"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one" --- Malcolm S. Forbes

"Since one never knows what will be the line of advance, it is always most rash to condemn what is not quite in the fashion of the moment." --- Paul Martin (1906)

"Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads." --- Erica Jong

"Some minds are eager for change, and some are angry at any" --- M. Woolsey Stryker, 1894

"Thomas Jefferson spoke of certain truths as self-evident. He did not say that these truths were self-explanatory or that they were self-operating." --- J. Martin Klotsche, 1952

"The two hardest things to handle in life are failure and success. --- Unknown

"Nobody objects to a woman being a good writer, or a good sculptor, or geneticist, if at the same time she manages to be a good wife, a mother, good-looking, good-tempered, well-dressed, well-groomed, and un-aggressive. --- Elizabeth Dole

"Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible" --- Frank Zappa

"When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it." --- Clarence Darrow

"There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on." --- Robert Byrne

"Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are." --- John Wooden, UCLA Basketball coach

"Forget injuries; never forget kindnesses --- Chinese Proverb

"Never, for the sake of peace and quiet, deny your own experience or convictions." - -- Dag Hammerskjold

"The only things that evolve by themselves in an organization are disorder, friction, and malperformance." --- Peter Drucker

"If we had no defects ourselves, we should not take so much pleasure in noting those of others." --- La Rochefoucauld